My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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