Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
