i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
