forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
