I can tuck mytits in my pants
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
