Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think people are normalizing furries
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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