just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
