last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
