I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
