Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
