My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I look better un-naked...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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