Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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