bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
