I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
