How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I didn't notice because vodka
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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