stop calling my apartment porn island.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
