I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
