I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
