I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
4 words: hood of his car
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
