awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
