do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
