im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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