they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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