There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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