Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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