the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
