True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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