Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
