Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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