sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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