WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
