fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
