I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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