She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
