I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
