I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
