out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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