If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
