If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
