I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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