I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
