there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Success! We fucked roommates!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
