i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't put those talents on a resume
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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