My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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