I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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