There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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