Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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