Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
