I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
