he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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