Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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