my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize