i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
