the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
