the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
