it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
