does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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