Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
