Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
