I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
