i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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