I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
