So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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