Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Everyone says I win the strip club
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
