Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
