i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
